Sofa Bar

McDonalds Cocktail

2009-02-20T11:15:00.000-08:00

I think I'll pass on this one...
This is from Serious Eats, but I think you have to be seriously crazy to sip a vanilla shake through BBQ sauce.

McNuggetini

1 part vanilla vodka
3 parts chocolate shake
Rim with BBQ sauce
Garnish with a chicken nugget.

Orders: Even if you stir this one you may end up shaken. Yuck.

Book Review: 365 Days of Cocktails

2009-01-28T10:43:00.000-08:00

It's very rare that I pick up new books on cocktails/bartending. I have a worn copy of "Bartending for Dummies" and I've found I don't need much more. I had the Mr. Boston but the drinks were too outdated (egg flips??) and I had the Playboy Bartender's Guide...but that just didn't live up to expectations. So i'm quite amazed to find myself adding a new book to my bar: The Daily Cocktail: 365 Intoxicating Drinks and the Outrageous Events That Inspired Them (Dalyn Miller, Larry Donovan). This book has it all. Flashy photos, excellent and varied recipes, witty storytelling and drinking factoids, and (a must) a solid index. You can find drinks by name, ingredient, or just pick a date and date.
Here's a nice sample pulled from amazon.com:

Who's the Boss?

1 oz rum
2 oz sour apple liquer
1 oz vodka
1 oz lemonade

Orders: combine ingredients with ice, pour into highball glass (one of those normal looking glasses you probably drink OJ from). Garnish with a green apple wedge.

Rainforest Cafe's Green Python

2009-01-27T10:15:00.000-08:00

Years and years ago, there was a photo shoot in Chicago. I wore too little, met too many sleazy people - 'nuf said. But something good did come out of it. I had lunch at the Rainforest cafe. And as I have always been a fan of cliche and kitsch done to the nth degree, this place was for me! I had an Apricot Quicksand. It was served in a martini glass and the liquid was brown with sandy sediment. I want this drink again!
Now, recently I've been seeing more and more of those copycat restaurant recipes. So i gave a good search for the Quicksand recipe... But of course no one has heard of it. (Please let me know if you have. And not that one with khaluha and cream - this one was apricot and mildly translucent) I did see a lot of folks out their merrily addiced to the Rainforest Cafe's Green Python. And since thats close to quicksand, (after all, if you get stuck in quicksand aren't you supposed to leverage nearby pythons?) I'll have what he's having.

Rainforest Cafe's Green Python

3/4 oz Midori Melon
1/4 oz 99 Bananas
1/4 oz Bacardi Coco Rum
1/4 oz Skyy Citrus
2 1/2 oz sweet and sour
2 1/2 oz pineapple

Orders: I haven't watched them, but I'm guessing its a shake-strain-and-serve-over-ice kind of thing. This may be true to what the restaurant serves, but personally...I think this needs the alcoholic ingredients doubled. Hey, my sofa is my bar. I can be as badly behaved as I want to be.

Tiki Bar Ressurection

2009-01-12T09:10:00.000-08:00

I'm pleased to announce the rebuilding of our tiki bar. Two years ago, in our pre-kids apartment, Alex and I built a miniature tiki bar. "Life is short, landlord be darned" we thought. Then proceeded to painted our kitchen sunset orange with scudding clouds, and palm tree silhouettes. The bar itself was every bit a slapdash as a tiki bar should be: merrily painted two by fours supported woven reed beachmats, flower garlands and chritmas lights. I think the whole thing was four feet long, and I was the only one tiny enough to bartend. And that didn't last long...
Pregnant with our first child, I could no longer fit behind the bar (brings new meaning to the phrase "belly up to the bar"). We decided it was time to move. And the tiki bar wouldn't be coming along to our new adult abode.
Our daughter is one and a half now, and she's taught us a lot. One thing we've learned is that growing up is overrated and entirely unnecessary. And it was that fabulous revelation that brought us to the conclusion that it was time to rebuild! Now tiki bar 2.0 is almost complete and it's a far grander creation. Measuring a full 9 feet, this puppy easily seats four, and the base holds 3 bookcases worth of our ever expanding collection of reference books. So go ahead and ask the bartender anything you like! I've got blacksmithing basics on my left and corporate tax advice on my right.
A favorite from the original tiki bar:

Vicious Sid

1 1/2 oz Light rum
1/2 oz Southern Comfort
1/2 oz Triple sec
1 oz Lemon juice
1 dash Bitters

Orders: Combine everything in a shaker half-filled with ice cubes. Shake well. Strain into tumblers almost filled with ice cubes. Drink. Pull a face. Add more lemon juice. Drink more. Stop caring about straining stuff.

Midori Pearl Diver Recipe

2008-07-21T10:20:00.000-07:00

One of my favorite qoutes: "How does it work? Damned if I know. But I do know this: you can throw rum on top of it and light it on fire - now that’s a meal." (posted by BS on endlesssimmer.com ) Obviously, I've been on a rum kick since then. This fantastically colored concoction on the left is a Midori Pearl Diver. Why? Well, Midori is a melon liquer made in Japan (midori means green - and by "made in" I mean a Japanese company makes it in Mexico).
So why is a drink that color called a pearl diver? Rotten oysters? Sea sickness? Nah...I doubt it. When I went swimming in the sea of Japan it really was a bright greeny blue. Maybe that drink plus 2 drops blue curacao... Any way, its delicious! So drink some while pondering it's peculiar naming.

Pearl Diver

1 oz Coconut-Pineapple rum
1 oz Melon liqueur
4 oz orange juice

Orders: Eh. Shake, stir, whatever you like. I dumped the OJ over ice, added the rum, and then did a quick pour of the melon liquer straight from the bottle. I think, because I was talking at the time, I was holding the bottle quite high up so the syrup plunged to the bottom of my glass.

Harvey's Fuzzy Navel

2008-07-16T09:09:00.000-07:00

Had a lovely evening last night! Much thanks to the little birthday present I bought my self: a bottle of Galliano. I always look at it while I'm shopping but...its 25$ and that's a lot of cheap gin. So I invariably put it back and go stock up on the essentials (aka vodka and gin). But now that I have it, I'm having a blast trying stuff I've heard of but never tried. Top on the was a Harvey Wallbanger.

Harvey Wallbanger

1 oz Galliano
1 oz Vodka
4 oz Orange juice

Orders: Pour vodka and orange juice into an ice filled shaker, shake, pour into an ice filled collins glass. Float galliano on top and serve.

First impression...kinda boring. It's like a screwdriver but smells better (courtesy of the anise in the Galliano). Well, heck. I'm not gonna put up with a bad...*glug glug*...a 2nd bad drink. Hmmm what to do. I've been listening to a lot of music mash-ups lately. The combination od two well known songs has a 50/50 shot of being good, but the title is invariably amusing. AC / DC vs. Black Eyed Peas - "You Humped Me All Night Long" or Beatles vs. Guns n Roses - "Sgt Pepper's Paradise City". This drink is dedicated to mashups artists everywhere!

Harvey's Fuzzy Navel

1/2 oz Galliano
1 oz Vodka
1/2 peach schnapps
4 oz Orange juice

Orders: Pour everything into an ice filled collins glass. Muddle with your index finger. Giggle, drink, repeat.

I Dream of Tiki Bars

2008-07-14T07:53:00.000-07:00

Last night I woke up from a dead sleep and thought "hey, I'd love to open a nonalcoholic cocktail bar." So for the next hour I stared at the ceiling and planned it all out. ( I love insomnia!)
Really, its a great idea. I love drinking. I love the jazz bar ideal. Late night conversations, the mood, but I'm not a huge fan of hangovers, depression, fist fights, people throwing up, and impossibly loud music. Coffee bars are nice, but my neck of the woods they are often quite quiet and never open past 9pm. While I was pregnant I tried to still hang out in bars...not that fun. Once you take the alcohol out, the chairs are uncomfy and the mixers taste cheap and nasty. As for running a bar, wow! What a can of worms! Liquor license, city liquor taxes, state liquor taxes, insurance rates, bouncers, security cameras.
Anyway, I'd call my place Nada Colada. It would be a tiki bar; leaning more towards "60's slick" than "surfer cool". Very Shag. In fact, I'd use his poster art to decoupage the back of the bar chairs. (Awesome like this fun bottom chair but a bit more comfortable. ) And I've got designs for the glasses.
For equipment I'll need a juicer, a carbonation machine and I have an idea for a refrigerated barback but would probably need a custom build. I'm thinking I still want the usual bar set up too: soda gun, sink, dishwasher, ice bin ect.
I'd serve nonalcoholic versions of every cocktail I can... (faux cosmos and appletinis are easy, but faux vodka is a bit harder lol). Plus plenty of snazzy mixes: milk soda, ginger lemonade, tiki's revenge, shooters, uppers, downers... I've got so many ideas for drink recipes! But I think for the bartenders ease I'd sift it down to a 2-3 page menu plus snacks.
Oh and have you seen this crazy awesome tiki fireplace??

Golden Dream

1 oz cream
1 oz orange juice
1/2 oz triple sec
1/2 oz galliano

Orders: Fill shaker half way with ice, shake all ingredients until combined and chilled. Strain into martini glass.

Virgin Golden Dream

1 1/2 oz cream
1 1/2 oz orange juice
1 tbsp orange marmalade

Orders: Fill shaker half way with ice, shake all ingredients until combined and chilled. Really shake the stuffing out of this one so that the marmalade dissolves. Strain into martini glass.

Oh go away!

2008-06-09T08:04:00.000-07:00

I like the Olive Garden. And if my self of 5 years ago heard that I'd die. (Um.. or be dead 5 years ago? Dang time travel paradoxes!) But life is different with kids. Sure, the food is still uninspired and bland but I go for the anonymity. When I can't handle cooking and I can't handle being social either the Olive Garden is the place to go. It has the usual bonuses of not have to think, cook, or do your dishes. But with bonus features like: you don't need to dress up and you don't have to keep vacuum after your enthusiastic baby flings salad to the four corners. But there are downsides. The bar.
It's an emotionally cold place that only attracts staff and sad faces. But the bartender is still too busy to see you because folks at the tables are ordering blender drinks. Well, anyway Alex and I are seated at one of those tables and we order lime-mint fresco and a peach fresco. They are out of mint. And the waiter informs us that the bartender attempted to make it with creme de menthe but with no success. (Ewww!! Of all the substitutes that has to be the worst option. If having fresh mint is hard how about getting a back up of Van Gogh’s Mojito Mint Vodka? Or Marti Autentico Cuban-style Lime and Mint Rum?) I got my peach fresca...but I would have been better off without. Have no idea what alcohol was in it because it was so watery. And what little flavor it did have came from the beat up canned peach half that wallowed around in the bottom of my glass.
And I really could have used a stiff drink just to cope with our waiter. He visited 11 times. And since we ere only there an hour...that means he was interrupting us pretty much every 6 minutes. We also met several waitresses who stopped by to coo at our baby.

"Hit Me With a Club" Whiskey Sour

2008-06-06T07:33:00.000-07:00

The Whiskey Sour doesn't get much play these days. Mostly because of the girl/guy divide in cocktails ( see previous post: Man vs. Mixed Drink ). It's often served up a bit froo-froo for the guys, but the taste is far too whiskey to attract the ladies (the first one I had got me coughing like a jr. high smoker). Of course, another problem is that if the bartender is rusty they've got a good chance of mixing up something nasty. Say...anything with store bought sour mix. See how unhappy that man looks??

Classic Whiskey Sour

2 oz blended whiskey
juice of 1/2 lemons
1 tsp simple syrup (or 1/2 tsp powdered sugar --yes, splenda works too)

Orders: Shake blended whiskey, juice of lemon, and powdered sugar with ice and strain into a whiskey sour glass.

Of course there are a dozen good ways to make a whiskey sour, ranging from gourmet to daddy-needs-a-drink-asap. In the gourmet category: I've been wanting to try the B&B Marmalade Whiskey Sour as mentioned in the San Francisco Chronicle "Jammin'" article. Apparently its made with bourbon, lemon, orange marmalade and orange bitters. Hmm, looks like I need to go shopping for that... What's more likely to happen:

Parents Blender Sour (courtesy of Michael Baur)

A can of frozen lemonade
a can of bourbon,
a can of water and ice up to the brim of the blender pitcher

Orders: simply whirl to an Icee consistency and serve.

Immoderate Drinkers Drink Tequila

2008-06-05T05:57:00.000-07:00

Hi, my iphone is having a nervous breakdown and refusing to talk to any other electronic devices. What does that mean for you? None of my endearingly blurry photos. So today I've included this lovely print from art.com. Bonus it has the recipe right on it!
I made this one for my mom while we were at the shore. Her doctor informed her that she would need to drink less. Q: Less than what? A: Less than "moderate".... Which begs the question what is "moderate drinking"? Well, according to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services thats no more than 1 standard drink a day for women, and 2 for men. "...a standard drink of one 12-ounce bottle of beer or wine cooler is generally equal to one 5-ounce glass of wine and equal to a 1.5 ounce shot of liquor." Wow. So I've just been informed that I'm terribly immoderate. And I come from a long line of dreadfully immoderate women.

Mum's Completely Ineffective Tequila Sunrise

1.5 ounces of tequila
5 ounces of orange juice
2 teaspoons grenadine

Orders: In a shaker add tequila and OJ to ice. To serve, add grenadine to the bottom of the glass, next add a few ice cubes, and then pour in the liquid contents of the shaker. Garnish with a thin slice of orange. Serve.
Note* for the drinker: although it looks pretty all layered like that, stir before you drink. Otherwise you'll get watery OJ at the top and thick sweet syrup at the bottom.
Another Note* for a real Tequila Sunrise, add an immoderate amount of tequila.

Strip Club - Ur doing it wrong

2008-05-29T10:04:00.000-07:00

I was drinking a Tom Collins and that shiny pole in front of me (see photo at left) got me thinking about a book I read lately (Candy Girl by Diablo Cody). It's a nonfiction about strippers ... Now, if you've been to a strip club or two you'll likely have discovered the weird fact that its not fun. Naked women plus dancing plus food or booze. And that doesn't equal fun?? What the heck is going on here? After much thinking (and drinking), I've decided it can be done better. (hahah dr. boozehound will now enlighten the plebs).
First off, the payment structure in most clubs has forced dancers to become aggressive salesmen. Some clubs give dancers sales quotas for drinks, lap dances, even kitsch crap like t-shirts and stale cigars. If she doesn't make her quota, she owes the club money. Some clubs even charge the girls for walking in the front door! How would you like to pay 200$ just to go to work? You've got 7 hours to shake your ass off, and make enough cash to cover your initial investment in showing up at all. Oh and you have to do that against fierce competition. And naked.
Doesn't that sound like some sort of anxiety dream? The guests who come to be entertained get stressed out dancers who are feeling more like frantic salesmen than miss-sexy-thang. No wonder their smiles look forced. This is not fun for the guys.
This is also not fun for management. Why don't guests come back night after night? We've got naked women and food or beer! Why do the dancers do such a "bad job" of pleasing the guests? How come the dancers keep quitting?
Here's my solution: Salaried strippers. A real gentleman's club. Much like the Hostess Clubs of Japan, guests would pay an exorbitant fee to walk in the front door. You get a table and a girl to entertain you. You could actually talk with her if you wanted or she could sit on your lap and sing rude tunes whatever you need. She's be friendly, healthy (woohoo health insurance), and not trying to sell you anything. She'd actually like her job. Guests would like being with her. Management makes dough on the cover charge, food and drink. Everyone stays around. A good time is had by every tom, dick and harry. (Btw, tom collins isn't anyone special. The "tom" comes from Old Tom gin and the glass shape is a "collins")

Tom Collins

2 oz gin
1 oz lemon juice
1 tsp superfine sugar
3 oz club soda

Orders: Put everything (except the soda) in a shaker with ice. Strain into an ice filled glass and top up with club soda.

WiiFit...what goes with that?

2008-05-28T09:00:00.000-07:00

A beautiful new thing happened to me. It's called WiiFit. I've been a nut for the wii from the second I got my grubby mitts on one (and I was faaast about it! Bought it right in that 10-second window where people where thinking "i wonder if it will sell?"). As soon as I heard about the WiiFit I had it on pre-order. What is it? A sleek little white step block that can sense your weight shift. So if you liked the wii's ability to let you reach out and hit things....well, now you can kick stuff too. And hit soccer balls with your head. And tightrope walk. And hula hoop...
Okay thats the cool part. The uncool part? Me. Because out of all these snazzy options, my favorite is jogging. There's a cartoony island with a jogging path that loops past waterfalls, bridges, fields and towns. You can go at whatever pace you like, and while you are running other Mii's that you've created jog past or wave as you run by. I've made a Mii image for each of my real life friends. So whenever I feel like a quick jog, my sister does too. Her husband waves from a hillside, my best friend runs past in the wrong direction.. it's just awesome. Jogging has suddenly become enormously relaxing to me. Maybe I'll even lose weight! Um...if I stop drinking cocktails while I play.

Big is Beautiful

1 oz brandy
1 oz peach schnapps
pink grapefruit juice

Orders: Combine in a shaker with ice. Shake. Serve. Optional curly straw: Get your change dish, count the coins, (make sure to write down the total $) . Now put them in a bag and take them down to one of those coin counting machines that gives you a prize if you "guess" the amount of change you have. Collect 1 prize: curly straw.

Muddied by Novelty Liqueurs

2008-05-27T09:57:00.000-07:00

Dear Blog,
I feel that our relationship has been a bit shallow lately. I mix. I find a somewhat clean space to photo my cocktail. Drain glass. Post the recipe in the morning. It's going through the motions. And frankly a bit dismal. The process captures the down side of drinking. The regulars waiting at the bar door 10 minutes before opening time. The sober bartender faking a smile as some guy asks for a freebie for the 5th time. It's seeing your favorite dive at 8am on a sunny morning in all its broken, dirty, industrial cleaner and stale beer smelling non-glory.
When I started building this site it was in response to my memories and the mood of some of the finer nights of drinking. But I lost the plot. Somewhere between photoshop and xhtml, between my real job and ...well, the list goes on. It's the precise thing that makes you want to go to a bar. Blow off some steam. Have a useless yet reassuring conversation with old friends. Talk to strangers and be fascinated by your own audacity. If done properly you can live for weeks on the after glow of an evening like that.
But I didn't go out. I didn't dress up. I heard no awesome music. Saw no friends. I came home. I mixed. I found a somewhat clean space to photo my cocktail. Drained glass. And cobbled a post. Tsk tsk! What was I thinking? This is not a job! This is supposed to be where I kick off my shoes and blow off some steam! So lets do this properly. Lets get a bit more intimate. I'm gonna stop talking about whats in my glass and more about whats on my mind. And while I'm at it, I'm gonna stop bothering to find a clean space for my glass. That's sooo not my real life.

Shot: The British are Bananas

1/2 oz banana liqueur
1/2 oz London gin

Orders: Colder is better for this one. Pop ingredients in a shaker with ice, shake, pour and shoot.

Man vs. Mixed Drink

2008-05-24T08:08:00.000-07:00

Screwdriver – manly or foofoo? It’s got vodka. It’s named after a tool. But, would a guy dare order it at the bar? Probably not. It’s hard for guys to order mixed drinks in bars these days. Why? Because a lot of times the drink looks too girlie to be seen with. Even classic cocktails are risky, not because of the drink itself but because of poor presentation. James Bond’s favorite can look madly effeminate if it’s served up in a tiny glass decked out with lemon curlicues. A male friend of mine ordered a whiskey sour only to receive it in a pousse café glass (those skinny glass coffee cups with the pinky sized handle). And the maraschino cherry just added insult to injury.

But here at Sofa Bar, you don’t have to worry. Drink ‘cause you like to. I don’t care if you can’t knot a cherry stem with your tongue. Don’t care if you can either. Go ahead, manly man, enjoy your pina colada.

Screwdriver

Vodka
OJ

Orders: Use a shaker if either your vodka or OJ hasn’t been chilled. Notice how I don’t stipulate proportions. Bigger is not always better, sometimes you need a whole set of screwdrivers.

"The Forgetful Author"

2008-05-15T18:11:00.000-07:00

Damn. I can't remember the name of this thing. I had a toothache and, for some reason, I always think of brandy when I have tooth related woes. So I was looking up brandy cocktails and toothaches at the same time. And I came across this bizarre article about how a town in Hungary has become the dental capital of Europe. With 1 dentist for every inhabitant of town, and crowns costing almost 1/8th of the going rate, Sopron has created a dental-tourism market. Now that article would be only a little tidbit of odd, and not bizarre, except I found it on cocktail.com... and theres no mention of drinks (plenty on pastries tho~). Anyway, this article so enthralled me that I completely forgot on what page I read this drink recipe. And so I must rename it:

Forgetful Author

1 cup of Earl Gray (hot)
2 oz brandy
1/2 oz sambuca (or other anisette)

Orders: Make tea. When fully steeped, remove tea bag, add brandy and sambuca to the mug. Cuddle up on sofa. Drink merrily.

Wine Cocktail : "Drawbridge"

2008-05-15T06:30:00.000-07:00

This has to be the dumbest name for this drink. First off, thanks to the curacao, it's Caribbean blue. That doesn't make me think of drawbridges, canals, moats, boats, or card games (and I know I'm stretching on that one). Not that I'd call this a tropical drink either... its basically colorful sweet chardonnay with a hint of orange. So if I was blindfolded I'd be thinking... picnic on the lawn, or "who gave me nasty pink wine?", or "oooo a blindfold. kinky...".

Drawbridge

1 oz club soda
5 oz chardonnay
splash of curacao

Orders: Pour club soda, then chardonnay into a glass. A swift splash of curacao should plunge straight to the bottom giving a layered look.

Summer Lemonades

2008-05-12T07:41:00.000-07:00

These are great; easy to mix, refreshing, and best of all, they look and smell completely innocent. Guaranteed to put a realistic sparkle in your best Stepford Wives smile. So go ahead and mix one of these puppies up before you have to cope with squabbling relatives, inane soccer mom chatter, and/or church picnics. Oh and if you're trying to keep up with the Jones at weightwatchers, powdered crystal light works just fine. Have your glass of benign interest for only 70 or so calories.

Black Cherry Lemonade

8oz lemonade
1oz black cherry rum

Almond Lemonade

8oz lemonade
1oz Amaretto

Orders: Add, stir and serve over ice in a nice innocent juice glass. If you need a bit more of a haze on the day, add a shot of vodka. Don’t garnish (that’s a dead give away).

"Tomorrow We Sail"

2008-05-11T08:52:00.000-07:00

Welcome to the inaugural posting of the Sofa Bar blog. Although this blog has been a long time in the making, I find my self suddenly tongue tied when faced by the blank page. And there's really only one thing to do: quick, write something, anything.
Once, in the middle of a dinner party, my uncle Charles left the table, picked up a hammer and walked out the front door. There was a metallic crunch and then he came back looking relieved. He said "I was on constant pins and needles wondering when the first scratch would happen on my new truck. Fixed that." (good thing he didn't own a rubber dingy)
So there you are folks, let this post be the first scratch. I'd have broken a champagne bottle over it...but I don't like to waste booze and I think the bubbles would go right up my computers nose.

"Tomorrow We Sail"

1/2 shot LBV Port
1/2 shot dark rum
1/4 shot Cointreau
Champagne

Orders: Add shots, stir, top with chilled champagne and serve. Note: don't cheap out and try using Triple Sec instead of Cointreau because if your champagne is good it will be wasted, and if your champagne is bad, it won't be covered up.

Note that there is no photo for this one. Thats because I drank it first and thought about photos later. But in retrospect that was a good idea. Why? Because after drinking it everything seemed just fine. :) If you're curious, the drink ended up nice and clear; in a shade of brown a bit lighter than the dark rum. But it still looks ugly in a champagne glass. If you have funky colored glasses, now's the time to use them 'cause you won't be missing anything in the looks department of this cocktail.